Filed under: Blogs
Judgment is so hard to escape. People do it to us, and we do it in return. It pervades our minds, taints our thoughts and distorts our views of others. We want so desperately the superficial reassurance, the fleeting confidence, the superiority that confirms the total possession of our own insignificant lives. It becomes a disease that invades our perception of others and of ourselves. It becomes a drug that we get hooked on each time we meet someone, making us blindly hallucinate the gap in intelligence or physical capabilities that separates us from them. But at the end, we’re only left with a deeper abyss of guilt and dishonesty to drown in.
It only took a few people to make me realize how much more there was to the relationships we build based on this thing called judgment. When I first met these amazing people, they were so different in every aspect of my own judging system that I wondered how in the world they ended up together in this group. But they surprised me. They really did. I know everyone is victim to some level of ego and judgment of others, but these people were genuine. They genuinely attempted to reach out to everyone without letting judgment impair their actions. There’s no doubt people are a little messed up. Unforgivable mistakes made along the way, damaging words inflicted on others and ourselves, self-destructive thoughts intruding once in a while, all piling up in a corner of our identity. But when someone takes that corner and makes it beautiful, that is what makes all the difference.
Is it so hard to judge a little less, and love a little more?
I love you ACF, you rock my world.
Filed under: Blogs
My laptop(brand new) has gone funky making freaky noises after ten minutes of use. My roommate still remains nonexistent and my floormates took away “her” mattress, confirming “her” nonexistence. I have absolutely no idea what they are doing with the mattress. They wouldn’t tell me so I turned to my violin and ragingly chopped trees and murdered chicken for almost two hours. I hope my suitemates didn’t mind my yucky playing. It felt so good but now my knuckles ache. I constantly crave for food from Taiwan. I’m getting tired of riceless meals. I feel my determination slipping away. I’m scared one day, I’ll just totally mess everything up and it’ll be the end of everything.
But I participated in a psych experiment that asked questions about our transition to college. I actually found myself better than I expected. Better than I ever was. When I’m all on my own, I act on my own guilt and get stuff done. When I get stuff done, I’m happy. Guilt makes the world go round.
