Filed under: Blogs
7:45 AM. She’s late again and her roommate is pissed. Again. Fifteen more minutes of sleep means fifteen less minutes of bathroom time for her roommate. She jerks out of bed, runs toward the bathroom and rushes through her usual morning routine in half the usual time. As her heart pumps harder, and her consciousness starts to catch up with her awaken state, the day before her starts to form in her head. Colors rush in to fill the images of the campus, images of herself walking to the library, images of her studying. And then the dark ink of unfinished problems starts to seep into the vulnerable fibers of the day. The colors are distorted and the tension created by the clash between light and dark deepens the perpetual anxiety she feels. The upcoming chemistry exam is no longer just an exam. It is the key to her parents’ hearts. Her performance in Spanish class no longer expresses her genuine interest. It determines her ability to communicate. Lunch is no longer lunch. It is composed of the completion of unfinished homework, visits to the office hours of professors, studying, sleep. Academics is no longer anything but a war to outdo the system of the school curriculum. Life is no longer life but an endless string of complications.
8:30 AM. She grabs her bag, shoves her earphones into her ears and starts the trek to the DUC. Music rushes through her head. Everyday, the ten-minute walk is her catharsis. The music submerges everything below the realm of thought and there’s nothing else but music.
8:40 AM. Taking one earphone out, she walks into the cafe and joins the short line of students. Same people, same time, same order: plain bagel, small coffee. She sits down alone at one of the tables and stares blankly at the silent news on TV as she takes a bite of her bagel. Problems everywhere. Isolated in her own little world, the debris of her broken world start to surface once again and embraces her so completely that she doesn’t notice when he sits down beside her.
Hey.
Suddenly her world reverses back into the transparent quotidian light as she realizes his presence. Two routine worlds have clashed to form the unexpected. Students pass them by, continuing on with their disordered lives. He talks as she listens.
And for a moment. An ephemeral moment of eternity. He takes her mind off the chaos she will enter in less than ten minutes.
Filed under: Blogs
We dumped our bags in the lobby of Cherry Hall and sunk down into the couches, waiting for our hosts who were supposed to pick us up an hour ago. They were at a gospel concert and were waiting for rides back. The hours stretched out one after the other. Ten. Eleven. Midnight. We were all exhausted. After the four-hour drive to Kansas City, we jumped right into training and didn’t stop until now. The staff member in charge of our group was my roommate for the week and she could tell I was exhausted and I knew she was too but she continued to talk to people and remained calm while my cynicism and bitterness grew. I started to wonder how it was possible that the hosts could be so inconsiderate. Didn’t they know we were coming today? Why didn’t the people in charge of this get it straight before we came? I even started to regret my choice of ever coming here as I imagined how good it would have been if I stayed in my luxurious dorm and campus. Why is everything not going the way it’s supposed to? These selfish thoughts invaded my mind but my roommate didn’t show any sign of anger or frustration. How does one do that? How can you forgive someone even as they are doing you wrong? I couldn’t even begin to understand her ability to embrace everything that was happening and take it without complaint, putting all of her trust in God’s hands knowing that everything would work out. By two in the morning, the hosts finally returned and brought us to their dorm. By the time we crawled into our sleeping bags and finally got some rest, I was wondering how I got myself into all this. I glanced over at my roommate and she didn’t have a single complaint. She was satisfied and happy even though nothing went right. She loved the life God gave her and embraced every single minute of it.
***
She used to be the worst stereotypical girlfriend. She was manipulative and demanding. One of her relationships traumatized her ex to the point of need for counseling. She wanted to be original. She wanted to stand out in the swarm of conformity that surrounded her. She wanted satisfaction and happiness but she didn’t have God. So she turned to alcohol and unhealthy relationships with men who did not love her and who she did not care about. But during her college years, she became a Christian and she changed. Completely.
When I first met her, I was intimidated by her faith because she was one of the most devoted Christians I had ever met. She was a staff member working for the Intervarsity Christian Fellowship. She had an aura of what I felt like Christian “authority”. She knew the Bible inside out and was gifted with the ability to speak to people in a way that could connect people with Christ. She was charismatic and persuasive but her humility was what blew me away when I started to get to know her better. No one would ever have guessed her ugly background. But it is this background that amazes me and I can only wish I can transform into a person like her with such a strong relationship with Christ. God is such a real presence to her. I constantly doubt the existence of God, let alone his presence.
How does one grasp the power and glory of God as we suffer the flaws of ourselves and the world around us? How does one genuinely, and I mean with all the heart and soul, believe that God is there with us, loving us, communicating with us? How are all those metaphors supposed to be interpreted as a relationship with Christ? Jean has given me a glimpse of God’s work through people’s relationships and I hope I will learn this week. Just learn and embrace. And change.
