Filed under: Blogs
Earthworms annoy the heck out of me. They must either be suicidal or plain stupid. Every time it rains, they wriggle out of the earth onto the sidewalks just to be squished to death by rainboots. Some bloat out after being immersed in the water and eventually explode with their innards spilling out of their disfigured body. Some shrivel up in the sun the next day. Every time it rains, not only do I have to walk 15 minutes to class and carry an umbrella, I also have to keep my eyes trained on the path in front of me and jump around to sidestep these lowly creatures. It’s not the idea that wriggling things disgust me that I so passionately try to avoid them. I just can’t stand the sight of mutilated wriggling things, and I certainly don’t want to be the mutilator. Why can’t they just stay in their happy little homes in the earth and spare themselves from such torture and spare me from having to care so much about them?
Today’s orchestra rehearsal annoyed the heck out of me. Why is there always that one obnoxious freshman kid who thinks he’s all that? He always continues playing after the conductor and everyone else have stopped. He always argues with the section leaders after he writes the bowings in incorrectly and thinks he’s right. He always likes to remind the whole orchestra what solo piece he’s working on while everyone else is tuning. Oh, what plots of bloody murder go through my mind every time I hear the screech of his violin, and he only helps perfect them every time I see him. But I can never do better than shooting him an extremely subtle look of disapproval. He probably wonders why I keep staring at him.
Freshmen complaining about General Chemistry annoy me like no other. I know I used to be one of them but to hear them telling stories about lab, comparing notes, sharing tricks that might help them, freaking out before the exams, calling the professor a douche, just tears me up inside. I really miss General Chemistry. I miss how much it pampered us with TA’s, recitations, help sessions, a clearly structured curriculum, PLTL. I feel like the teen who finally realizes she forgot to appreciate her baby years, and I feel bad for projecting my sophomore bitterness on these innocent naive freshmen, but I can’t help it. Besides, their average on the first exam doesn’t help much even though it probably wasn’t their fault.
Today, all of these things just had to happen in front of my face and I became little miss grumpy, drowning in annoyance with every single thing. I have no idea why I was so easily annoyed today, but don’t worry, I have never outwardly expressed my annoyance or carried out any of my plots.
I really hope earthworms and freshmen don’t read my blog.
Filed under: Blogs
I have always carried around with me the philosophy that people disappoint. At some point signs of flawed character start to emerge from the people you care about. They tend to betray you in a silently murderous way. On the surface it would have been an action no one would ever have taken seriously, but underneath lie the unexpected selfish motives that wrenches your heart clean of any previous love you had for that person. I have grown to expect this. Or maybe I’ve grown into it. Whenever you think you’ve seen the worst in people, there’s always worse. So, I tend to treat everyone equally and indifferently. I place everyone an arm’s distance away just for my own selfish reason of not wanting to get my heart mutilated by insensitive people.
Have you ever wondered if you would jump in front of a bus to save a friend? George O’ Malley’s martyrdom in Grey’s Anatomy really makes me wonder. I know it’s just an overly dramatic situation created by the producers of Grey’s, but it makes me wonder if it is easier to die for a stranger than a friend. Completely ignorant of who the person is. Completely heroic because the saved is ignorant of who the hero is. Untainted by ulterior motives. Untainted by memories. A pure act of heroism. It could get messy for a friend. The split second before you jump in front of the bus, you think of all the experiences you’ve had with the friend. You think of all his/her flaws. You calculate their worth. You judge, using your mental storage of data about this person, whether he/she is worth the risk. Nah, my life is more valuable and he/she gets run over by the bus.
But of course, that’s just one way to think about it and I suppose it requires a great deal of twisting your sense of right and wrong (and a lack of true friends) to think that way. This was the way I used to think. But now there are some people in my life that make me not want to disappoint. They are the ones who completely obliterate my emo world of sadly disappointing people. They are the ones who don’t just make my day. They make my life. I would step in front of a stupid bus for them.
